


Constant Companion

by merlins_sister



Category: Castle
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 03:37:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3193835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlins_sister/pseuds/merlins_sister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Comfort, care and hot chocolate – Kevin’s love for Kate had always been there, a constant that she could only now fully appreciate. Companion piece to Perfect Timing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Constant Companion

_‘The more things change, the more they stay the same’ – Alphonse Karr._

Kevin glanced around the restaurant, replacing his badge on his belt as the maître d’ checked the bookings for a note of Kate’s table. The restaurant was classy, but traditional, in Kevin’s opinion. Safe, his mind supplied. Safe for a first date, so the guy may be a bad date, but at least he knew the rules.

Nodding to Kevin, the maître d’ led the way to the left of the restaurant, leading him up to a table towards the back. Kate’s eyes met his, relief quickly masked into mock surprise at his arrival. Nodding his thanks to the maître d, Kevin took a moment to take in Kate’s date. Tall, classically good looking, he could see how she might have miscalled him. Conservative, his mind added to safe. Definitely not for Kate then.

He glanced at Kate again, allowing the moment to draw out a little further. No reason for him to not enjoy this mercy dash a little, before the slightest narrowing of her eyes warned him that he was pushing it. 

He glanced more openly at her date before turning with deliberate purpose to Kate, their agreed story calling her back to the precinct falling easily from his lips, Kate’s planned response suitably apologetic. Kevin stepped away to give Kate space to gently extract herself from the situation. The maître d arrived with Kate’s coat, Kevin taking it off him, turning to help Kate with it as she arrived at his side.

They didn’t speak until they were in the car.

“Thank you,” Kate said, relief in her voice, as she sank back into the passenger seat.

“You’re welcome,” Kevin replied, his eyes on the road as he pulled out into the traffic. “Though if you had told me you’d ordered the steak I would have given you another 20 minutes; looked good.”

“Yeah,” Kate replied, her tone calling Kevin’s attention back to her from the road. His glance took in the way she was biting her lip, and the slight sheen to her eyes. All thoughts of teasing went out of the window.

“Kate, you okay?”

“Fine,” she quickly replied, but Kevin heard the emotion in her voice.

“You sure?”

This time Kate didn’t reply and when Kevin glanced at her again he saw that she was losing the fight with whatever was upsetting her, tears spilling even as Kate screwed her eyes shut in an attempt at a control. Throwing the car into a space on the side of the road, Kevin turned to look at her properly, his stomach contracting at her distress, fear running through him at the illogical thought that something more sinister than a bad date had happened.

“Kate, this was just a bad date, wasn’t it?”

She looked at him, confusion on her face until she registered what might be worrying him. “Oh, Kev, no… I’m fine... it’s just…”

“Just what? Why are you so upset? Kevin asked, wishing he didn’t sound so confused by her reaction.

“It’s just…I can’t do it…”

“Do what?” Kevin asked, no less confused than a few moments ago as Kate’s agitation went up a notch.

“Put myself out there, hit the numbers, stop being fussy, as Lanie keeps pointing out.” She turned to look at him more fully. “I keep saying I want more, but I don’t do anything about it. I don’t take any risks emotionally, I keep men who might be interested away.” 

Okay, now he was getting it.

“Kate…”

He didn’t get a chance to try and be reassuring as Kate was on to another emotional splinter that he suspected only maybe he and Lanie knew about. 

“I turn down this amazing job at the Attorney General, knowing that not only would it take me away from directly helping people, it would mean giving up any attempt to have a life. Jesus, it’s bad enough as a cop, I don’t think investigators get any time for themselves. And I don’t want that. I want…more.”

Her hands waived in a gesture of sarcastic frustration at her last statement.

Kevin took a slow breath in as he planned what to say. Glancing at Kate he said, “I think you need to be kinder to yourself.” He ignored the slight huff of impatient breath from Kate which he knew was directed at herself. “Lanie is right to some extent, dating at our age is about hitting numbers sometimes, but that doesn’t mean that’s right for you. And it’s not like you haven’t seen anyone in the recent past – you had a good year with Josh.”

Kate shook her head. “I was never fully in that relationship, though perhaps neither of us were.” She sighed. “Castle was right, I had one foot out of the door all the time.”

“Maybe emotionally you did,” Kevin replied, his voice soft as he continued. “But it’s not surprising. At that time you were still dealing with the desire to solve your Mom’s murder, still locked into that grief. How can you maintain a relationship when it's enough just to get up and get through the day?” He paused for a moment. “The right time will come. The right person. You'll know it."

Kate looked at him, a soft smile on her face at his reassurance. A wash of fatigue took it away as she sighed. “I just want to move on. I am so tired of letting those bastards who took my Mom’s life taking mine too.”

Kevin placed his hand over hers. “You will. And it’s not like you’re the only one not dating in this car.”

Her hand entangled with his. “God, Kev, you are grieving for a fiancée you lost less than two years ago. No-one could expect you to be back out there yet.”

Kevin couldn’t help the slight snort of anger in response. “Yeah, well, perhaps you would like to tell certain members of my family that.”

“Seriously?” Kate asked, her tone of anger joining his. “Because I will.”

Kevin felt a rush of relief at Kate’s response, knowing logically that he could take all the time he needed, but family…well they always knew what buttons to press. 

“My Mom…I think me being shot…I think she’s scared that I won’t get a chance to move on…won’t be happy again…”

Kate’s tone was gentle as she replied, “That may be true, but you do this at your pace. Not hers. Like you said you will know when you’re ready, and have met the right person.”

Kevin smiled at her response, feeling that rush of calm at her words that had become so familiar now. He glanced at Kate and took in the distracted look – she still needed something more, something to take her away from the place of self-criticism that he knew she didn’t deserve.

He turned back to the steering wheel. “Come on, how about I get you home and we get set up for an impromptu movie night?”

“Kev, no, I’m fine…you’ve already done enough,” Kate replied, her words quick with embarrassment.

Kevin glanced at her before ignoring her protests with the words, “I’ll do my special hot chocolates.”

He glanced again at his friend. She was biting her lip in that way when she was uncertain about something. He knew he had her, but she was still anxious about asking this of him, even when it was his offer.

“Or we could go back to the precinct,” he offered. “I’m sure we could find something to entertain ourselves with there.”

This time Kate snorted a slight laugh in response. “Hot chocolates sound better,” she said finally.

“Good,” Kevin replied with a smile, before turning to start the car out of the parking space.

“I get the movie choice,” Kate said, her tone stiff with the effort in trying to be light.

“Of course,” Kevin replied.

There was a moment’s silence before Kate added, “And can we not mention to Lanie any of this.” She sighed. “I could do without her comments.”

“She’s only trying to help,” Kevin replied softly as he pulled the car out into traffic.

“I know,” Kate replied. He sensed rather than saw her shake of her head. “Besides she’s got her own stuff going on at the moment. She could probably do without worrying about me too.”

Kevin glanced quickly at Kate before returning his eyes to the road, deciding not to comment on the fact he had noticed their favourite M.E. had not been herself recently. That wasn’t important for now. Kate was, and he needed to do something to help.

**

Kate shuffled out of her bedroom after changing into her old pyjamas, their warmth and cosiness comforting her to some extent. She found Kevin already standing over the stove, the spare sweatpants he had left at hers and a sweater of hers soft on him. She resisted the urge to go and put her arms around him. If someone from the outside saw this scene they would look like a couple. But they weren’t. And her need for physical comfort didn’t mean she should step across a boundary of contact. So instead she wrapped her arms around herself, and took her usual place leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Nearly done,” he said, his eyes lifting from the saucepan to look at her. Kate was conscious that he was aware of her stance, and her apparent awkwardness in someone’s company she usually relaxed. Yet he returned his gaze to the stove with no comment, for which she was relieved. She was embarrassed enough by her meltdown this evening, she didn’t want him to take her emotions on any more than he had already. Not when he was working so hard to take care of and heal himself. He didn’t need her problems as well.

He lifted the saucepan off the stove, pouring the contents into the two waiting mugs. Wafts of chocolate, vanilla and cinnamon drifted her way, with that spice she had yet to identify and certainly that Kevin wasn’t about to tell her. He turned with a smile on his face, mugs in hand, and seemed to be about to offer one to her, when his smile faded. Turning back to the counter he put the mugs down, before moving to stand in front of her, his head slightly to one side as he considered her.

For some reason Kate tensed, uncertain of what he was doing, or perhaps fighting to keep the bubbles of emotion down at his gaze. After a few moments he gently but firmly pulled her arms away from herself and placed them around him. Kate was so surprised that she didn’t make any attempts at protest, instead sinking into the embrace that he wrapped around her.

They had hugged before, this was no different, though Kevin was a sensitive enough man, Kate appreciated, to not normally initiate contact, happy for her to reach out to him. But tonight he had known she wasn’t able to, and safe enough to offer the comfort. Kate tightened her grip, the tension from the evening fading away at contact.

Kate turned so her head could rest on his shoulder, his heart a steady beat through the contact. She kept her eyes closed as she said quietly, “I know I could find sex if I wanted it, but this…this is so much harder…to just be held…to be cared for…” She faded off, uncertain why she had said what she had said, or perhaps even what she was trying to tell him.

It didn’t seem to matter as he replied, “I know.” And she knew whatever her message had been he had understood.

As she started to pull away, her nerves soothed, and comforted, Kevin continued “I’m always here for you.”

“I know,” Kate replied too in understanding, moving so she could face him properly as his eyes widened suddenly at a thought, “For the hugs!” he said quickly in case his offer had been misinterpreted. 

Kate laughed, a free and relaxed laugh finally, “I know!” She took in the slightly embarrassed look on his face before pulling him to her for a hug of gratitude.

Breaking away from her friend Kate turned to lead the way to the couch, stopping at the shelf with her DVDs to make a choice. She pondered the titles before reaching forward to pick out an old favourite, a title that she would share with only her most trustworthy of friends. At the sight of the film she had chosen Kevin’s eyebrows went up in surprise and amusement which prompted Kate to comment simply as she put the film on, “I have had a bad evening.”

“I didn’t realise it had been that bad,” Kevin replied, almost deadpan.

Kate attempted a senior detective eyebrow at him, but he was oblivious this evening to such efforts, and she couldn’t blame him. Instead she said, “What happens on movie night…”

“Stays on movie night,” Kevin finished for her. “Luckily for you.”

He nudged their shoulders together as Kate settled back on the couch next to him and as their gazes met Kate started laughing. Kevin joined in and for a few moments Kate let go of the pressure she placed on herself and just relaxed in her friend’s company. 

As she settled back, calming as the film started, she took a sip of her chocolate drink and savoured the warmth. Kate sighed slightly at the sensation of comfort it gave her before her mind drifted away from the film and back to the evening’s events, feeling again that frustration with herself that she could find a friendship where she felt truly loved and cared for easily enough, but not a relationship.

No, that wasn’t right, she corrected herself. Friendships take work, and it had taken her and Kevin six years and a variety of life experiences to get to this stage. She glanced at Kevin, his attention on the screen. She hoped he really did appreciate how much he meant to her. She had tried to explain that when he had been upset after his undercover stint. And she had told him she loved him when he was in hospital, but perhaps he had dismissed that as a natural reaction to him being shot. But if that was all it was then she would have to dismiss his response to her, and she knew it was genuine.

She sighed and shifted again, trying to refocus on the film. She just wanted what she had with Kevin, only with added great sex. Surely, that wasn’t too much to ask?

She glanced at her friend. Or did she want all of it with Kevin? She hadn’t thought about that before. She considered him good looking, and she was pretty certain he would be a good lover. But…no…even when he was ready to move on she didn’t want to inflict her issues on him, that part of her that was uncertain if she would ever get over her Mom’s death with Bracken out there and untouchable, despite any efforts she made to try and move on. 

She moved again in an attempt to get out of her head, this time Kevin noticing her fidget. His hand sought hers out and as it wrapped around her free hand he instructed softly, “Drink up. Nothing more you can do tonight than relax and let me take care of you.”

Kate opened her mouth to dismiss his words, or maybe to tell him some of what she had been thinking. Before deciding he didn’t need either. He was here. He took care of her, just like she took care of him. That was what their relationship was about. She would learn from it, and when she found that relationship that pulled all these parts together she would tell Kevin that it was all down to him.

**

_Two years later_

“Are you warm enough?” Kate asked, turning to glance across her shoulder to make sure Kevin was following her.

“Says the woman in my cotton shirt and nothing else,” Kevin replied, his grin obvious in his tone.

Kate shook her head slightly dismissing his comments. “I like your shirts,” she said simply.

“My wardrobe and I are aware,” Kevin replied, amusement still in his tone.

Kate huffed slightly in response, but with no rancour, her smile spreading as Kevin came up behind her, arms wrapping around, soft kisses dropping down her neck. She turned her head so their lips could meet, a kiss deep and hungry despite having only just surfaced from an afternoon of enjoying each other in her warm bed.

Ending the kiss with a satisfied murmur, Kate returned to the reason she had left the bedroom. Reaching up to a shelf she pulled down two familiar glass mugs and proffered them to Kevin. He took them from her, his amusement quite clearly growing.

“It’s snowing.” Kate stated simply as the only explanation needed for her unspoken request for the drinks that normally went in those mugs.

“True,” Kevin replied, obviously still slightly amused that when Kate had suggested leaving the bed for a drink that this was what she meant. “Grab the milk,” he instructed, before reaching up to the shelves for the chocolate and a selection of spices. Kate glanced behind her as she reached into the refrigerator to pull out the milk carton, realising that she had already missed the combination he used for this special drink. She sighed. So much had changed between them but it was quite clear that sharing his special recipe was not on the list.

She padded back to the stove and passed the milk over, waiting until the slow steady stirring started, before taking her turn to wrap her arms around him from behind, her head resting on his, closing her eyes at the sound. She let go of a contented sigh.

“You okay?” Kevin checked, his voice lilting with tenderness.

“Very,” she replied with the shorthand they had already established to indicate how happy she was. “Just appreciating how lucky I am to have a man who can give me pleasure in so many ways.” She leant forward and took her turn to drop soft kisses down his neck, a happy murmur from her lover in response.

She returned to resting her head on his, closing her eyes at the steady rhythm of the stirring, and let her thoughts drift to other times when he had stirred at this stove. How it had started as a comfort for him to make the drink, became a gesture of love for her, his friend, and now, she realised, a symbol of the way their love for each other had changed yet stayed the same. That they could have a fabulously passionate afternoon and still wander out here, to a low lighted comforting kitchen and drink hot chocolate in front of a movie as they had done so many times as friends…how had she managed to find a man who could give her both worlds so effortlessly and with such love?

She stirred from her thoughts at the sound of her cellphone ringing. She groaned slightly at the thought the call might be about to intrude on her precious time with Kevin but forced herself over to answer it. With relief she saw that it was only her Dad on the line.

“Hey, Dad. Everything okay?”

She turned back to look at Kevin as spoke, his eyes questioning the call.

“No, I’m fine, not working,” Kate replied to her Dad’s questions. “Just relaxing with Kevin. He’s making hot chocolate and we’re going to watch a movie. You okay?” She listened to her father’s answer, smiling slightly at Kevin’s face which asked quite clearly if he was having to throw more clothes on in a rapid move to make out that he hadn’t spent the afternoon naked with Jim Bennett’s daughter.

“Well, phone me when you get home – if the snow is as bad as you say it will take you a while. Okay…love you too.” Putting the cellphone down she returned to Kevin’s side. “They’re starting to shut roads,” she said by way of explanation for the call. “Dad’s leaving work early to make sure he gets home.” She sighed slightly. “Probably means I’ll have to leave earlier tomorrow for my shift if it’s that bad.” She glanced at Kevin. “You don’t have to though. You can stay for as long as you need.” She restrained from adding ‘or until I get home’, however tempted she was by the thought. Kevin spent a lot of time at her place, but she still didn’t think it was fair to ask him to wait at her apartment whilst she worked.

He glanced up from the stove, a smile on his face as he added. “No, it’s fine. I’ll leave with you. Chances are we may all be called in, but if not I need to get to my place, do some bills and stuff.” He turned away slightly before offering, “I could come back in the evening if you want.” He looked back at her. “It’s snowing, you might need more hot chocolates.”

“I’d like that,” she replied softly, warmed and strangely relieved that she would have him back here earlier than planned. She leant over and kissed him as softly as she had spoken, a shiver through her as he unexpectedly deepened the kiss.

Pulling back, Kevin returned his attention to the hot drinks, indicating for Kate to step back slightly so he could turn to pour the drink into the mugs. Grabbing the dusting chocolate he said, “Nearly done. Do you want to grab a movie then?”

Kate nodded and made her way over to the shelf, perusing the choices before pulling an old favourite out. “I suppose I can trust you with my guilty secret again,” she grinned, waving the title at Kevin as he settled on the couch, mugs in the hand. He snorted his entertainment at the choice which she chose to ignore. The film was a classic.

She turned to the player. “Can’t remember the last time I watched this.”

“I remember the last time I saw it,” said Kevin. “It was the night of my bad date rescue a couple of years ago. I knew when you picked that movie you really were in a bad way.”

Kate attempted to huff her disagreement with him, but all she could do was smile as she remembered another part of that evening. Curling onto the sofa next to Kevin, she took the offered mug of magic and smiled sweetly as she said, “I remember that night more for the offer from you of lots of hugs and no sex.”

“Really? I said that?” Kevin asked in mock horror. He openly looked her up and down. “What was I thinking?”

She pushed him playfully, but was unable to not let the note of seriousness come into her voice as she replied, “That you were still grieving, and recovering from a traumatic injury.”

“Ah, yes, that was probably it,” Kevin replied, his tone following hers. “As were you,” he reminded her firmly as Kate’s head dropped slightly as the feeling that she let her traumas drag on for too long washed across her again. “Although I think something changed for you that night.”

Kate lifted her head up again at his comment, taking a sip of her drink as she considered her answer. She didn’t want to make him feel their time as friends had had any hidden agenda, but thinking back to that night she did remember that what she wanted in a relationship had crystallised. That she had dismissed a notion that it could ever be with Kevin, but here she was, with exactly what she wanted – their friendship, their love, a fulfilling physical relationship that took her breath away. Maybe it was time for a small confession.

“You’re right,” she responded. “I realised I wanted a partner, a friend who could make feel loved and cared for, just with added great sex.”

Kevin snorted a slight laugh at her tone, but sobered as she said, “I realised I wanted what I had with you then, I realised I wanted all that I have now.”

He turned to look at her, the question in his eyes. “I didn’t think it would be with you,” she said simply. “I loved you too much already to think I might inflict my issues on you in another form of relationship.”

“Kate…”

She lifted a hand to silence any reassurance. “I do remember that evening promising myself that I would tell you this when I found the right relationship.” She lifted her eyes to hold his gaze. “So I am. You are everything I want, Kevin Ryan. And I am here knowing that, trusting that, because of all that you did. All that you are.”

Kevin’s lips parted as if he was trying to find the right response, but instead he leant over and kissed her softly. It was a tender kiss of love, of reply, and as he caressed her cheek with his fingers, pulling back so their gazes could meet again, Kate knew he had heard all that she needed him to hear.

She lifted the drink to her lips again, turning back to face the TV as Kevin settled close to her, arm across the back of the couch so she could curl in close. She hit play on the remote control, and, in what she considered a great act of love, she passed it over to Kevin. He looked down at her in slight surprise before taking the controller off of her and putting it next to him. She grinned at the slightly satisfied sigh from his lips before looking up at him in her own surprise at his next word.

“Cardamom,” he said, his eyes on the TV. “Cardamom is the secret spice in the hot chocolates.”

Kate opened her mouth to reply but didn’t know what to say so just settled back down, her smile broadening as he continued. “But I make the hot chocolates around here, and you deal with the remote control, okay.” He looked at her. “Just like it’s always been.”

Her smile softened as she confirmed, “Just like it’s always been.”

And always would.


End file.
